poisoned thoughts
by adariel
Summary: angst, tears, madness ... love
1. Prologue

R&R please? i'll give you a cookie!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
She found herself being caressed by the cool night breeze as she climbed onto the balcony edge. Could she do it?Could she make this one step which would free her from the agonizing fight against herself?Would she be strong enough to end it all?She closed her eyes and let her senses numb. She leaned forward and whispered her goodbyes.  
  
But before she could actually fall two strong arms caught her waist and pulled her back into the balcony. She struggled in the embrace and tears soon flooded her eyes.  
"Let me go! Let me end it! Please... let it stop"  
"No Adariel! I will not let you do this. I have never known you to succumb so quickly to an enemy. Fight it Adariel! Fight it!" the other elf said while trying to keep her in his arms.  
"I CANNOT" she shouted desperatly. "Each day has become a battle against it ... against myself. And with each battle I grow weaker. I have not the strength to fight anymore. I cannot ... I cannot go on. I must put a stop to it ... what will happen when I will have NO strength left? What will happen when he will have me? What shall become of Middle Earth?What will he destroy using me, Legolas?"  
"That will not happen. I will not let that happen.WE will not let that happen. He might be strong, Adariel, but you have us... you have me" he gently stroked her arms "and I will never abandon you to him"  
She pulled away from him so that she could face him. Adariel looked at Legolas and realised that her heart was now pounding in her chest like never before. Tears still streaked down from her eyes. The space between their lips now shrunk as she sank into his deep green eyes. She wanted to kiss him but before she could, the beckoning whispers echoed in her mind again and she turned away, and returned to her room. 


	2. Who am I?

(What happened to me?What happened to the young elf that used to be so happy?Was that even me?Who am *I*?)  
Too many thoughts and too fast overwhelmed her in her so called sleep. In truth she hadn't slept at all after it began. She pretended to be rested every morning though she felt drained and exhausted. Everything she said and did became a facade actually. But the mask is beggining to crumble ... and as it slowly shatters and leaves her naked and vulnerable, he gets stronger. He wants her now more than ever. He wants to be whole again for she part of him.   
(No. I can't be. I ... it's impossible)  
{ Adariel ... come ... come to me ... }  
She shut her eyes tighter  
{You want to ... you need to }  
(NO)  
{Come to me, Adariel...}  
The sound of the door opening made her suddenly open her eyes. The golden light reaching into the room from the balcony seemed to pull her back to reality. She turned her head to the door and saw Aragorn looking at her with a grave expression.  
-What happened last night?  
-Wha...,she rubbed her eyes,What do you mean?  
-I heard you crying.  
-Can I not cry?  
-I wish only to know what is wrong.  
-What is wrong?WHAT IS WRONG?I am losing my mind Aragorn, that is what is wrong. I am tired and in pain and drained ...and ... hollow,she added almost whispering. I do not even know which are my thoughts and which are his. I do not even know who I am. Or what I am... don't you see?I am suffering Aragorn and ...I wish to end it but I cannot!   
(I think only about myself. They must suffer too ... but I ... I'm so confused)  
Aragorn did not say or move. He watched her trying to understand what she felt. Trying to figure out how to help.  
-I am sorry, Estel. I did not mean to raise my voice so.  
-I understand, Adariel. I'm sorry for what is happening but I promise you that I will find a way to stop it.   
He layed down on the bed.  
-He will never win, he added.  
-You say that to comfort me or yourself?  
-I say it to bring us both hope.  
-What hope do I have left,Aragorn?None.  
-You should not give up.  
-I am forced to. I cannot fight it anymore.  
-Adariel...  
-No, Aragorn. I know what I must do or what must be done. I know what sacrifice I must make ... but in truth it would be more of a release  
-Do not speak this way. I shall not have you talk of death ... especially yours.I have known you ever since I first came to Imladris. You have been more than any friend could have been and I will not give up on you now when you are in need ... and you shouldn't give up on yourself.  
-I do not even know who is "myself".  
Silence.She looked at him for a few moments and then got out of her bed and headed towards the dresser.  
-I wish to get dressed. I will be in the garden later, she stated in a blank tone.  
Aragorn sighed and left the room. He knew there were only two ways of ending this. Either to hand her to him, to Aricael or to ... he shuddered ... kill her.They are one...Adariel and Aricael... each wants to be reunited with the other. What would Elrond hope to do? Tomorrow's council will fail in finding a solution. And then what? Then her fate will depend on the will of the Council. And any man could guess their choice for it was not their intent to doom Middle Earth. Pointless. And what could he and Legolas do either? They could not fight Aricael. And a part of Adariel wishes to return to him. How could they save her when she herself wanted to go to him. And Legolas ... Legolas cares for her. He knew Legolas was to be heartbroken. So many fates, so many lives ... binded together in suffering. He turned his thoughts away from these matters and looked straight ahead. Rivendell's hallways were empty today. But tomorrow...tomorrow they will rush to seal Adariel's fate. 


	3. Fate

Fate. What could be more cruel than fate? How could a creature which he loved so much become the victim of it's own dark fate. Long after The Dark Lord's reign was over, how could such evil still spring up?Such questions, useless now. It is here and it does not intend to leave soon. Flesh and blood spawned from deep within Mordor, creep back into the world, into her. None know what's happening, nor what do to. But I know... I know how the Dark Lord's brood had survived the fall of Minas Mordor. How the two half elvish children found in it's ruined walls were taken into Rivendell and raised... how the older one,the boy ran away and could not be found. How he grew into what now threatens Middle Earth. Aricael. Curse us for believing that good could come from what evil had birthed. He rebuilt Baradur, and Orthanc, and Minas Mordor ... and ... he rebuilt Mordor. 'Twas his legacy to do so, and yet we did not see. And now the other one is to join him. So little time left to act. He draws her to him every moment. But she is strong... strong like The Dark One, like the Shadow from whence she came. Nay. 'Tis hard to believe. Yet it is true. Curse it all. What should we do? What CAN we do when there is no time nor strength left?  
Gandalf smoked his pipe silently in front of the fireplace. The room was silent, excepting the violent crackles of the burning wood. But his mind... his mind was racing, trying to find a solution. His heart filled with pain everytime he reminded himself of what The Council wishes to do. By Elbereth, he raised Adariel like his own child. He loved her as a daughter. He wouldn't let them do this. Neither him, nor the rest. No. 


End file.
